How to Gain Confidence and Self Belief

Confidence and Self Belief are a very important quality to an attractive guy (or person for that matter), and are two things people struggle with a lot. This is how I found I can influence my state of confidence and self belief.

First: the What

First of all, in any given problem, I ask my self, what is it that I want.

In this case we are talking about confidence, so lets define it.

In my opinion, being confident is our "default state" or normal, balanced state. Being unconfident, on the other side, is being in an unbalanced state. Feeling unease, being discomforted.

Imagine a heavy sphere hanging from a string. It's still, unless someone or something moves it, unless it's put out of balance. To put it out of balance, we would have to apply a force to it. So then the heavier the sphere is, the stronger the force has to be to push our sphere around.

That sphere is our confidence, and that force is the situations that take our confidence away.

This is why there's something people call the comfort zone: the maximum force your confidence can resist before it gets pushed around.

Also, our sphere hanging from a string may swing backwards making us feel unconfident, but also and forwards, making us feel overconfident, and this two illusions will not help us, as they are two sides to the same problem: the unbalanced nature of our center: our confidence.

So let's now set the objective:

Second: the Objective.

Let our objective be to make that sphere as solid and heavy as possible, so its harder to push it arround, and it stays centered and balanced.

Let's set our objective to be at ease with ourself, and interact with the outside world freely, keeping our confidence centered and balanced despite all the forces that interact with it.

Third: the How

Thinking about this for a long time, I started to observe my confidence levels, and started to identify what made them vary. This was in part thanks to a part of Manhore's speech at the 21 convention, where he states that having your shit together is the key to confidence.

My technique is very simple:

it consists of two principles:
1- Responsibility
2- Accept-fulness

1) Knowing that you are supposed to do something, of setting yourself to do something and not doing it, or even delaying stuff for later.
Personal examples I found are important for myself:

a) Studying or doing homework
b) Cleaning your room and/or house
c) Being on time when i say i will
d) Being consistent with my promises

2) Accepting how you feel when you get unconfident feelings and owning it.

Personal example: the other day a professor at my college was examining and questioning the experiment that we were doing at the lab, and I was clumsy and dropped something, and the professor asked me why I was so clumsy, rudely. i answered -because I got nervous.

He couldn't say anything and I felt good for owning how i felt, not asking for forgiveness for what I felt, even though I was supposed to feel threatened or stupid even, by his comment.

It's like yeah, I feel this way, so what?

It gets you entitlement to feel how you feel and that solidifies and hardens your sphere.


This is it. This will probably evolve with time, and with you guys feedback, so please feel free to comment sharing your experiences and methods of fighting with lack of confidence.

hope this helps,

Jason